There has been much talk lately, or maybe not much, but some. (Of course there may not have been any, but I wouldn't count on it) "If that there ignorant gardener ever wrote a book, what would it look like? Many have ventured opinions as to the depth and breadth of such a work, however none could say for sure as up to this point, all of my ramblings have been kept to the simple auspices of a blog.
It was time to put all of this debating to rest, to create my Magnum Opus. To lay down the dizzying intellect, which for a simple fee, all of the world could know those little things they hadn't known before.
Yes, you may have guessed it already, but I can now put an "A" before ignorant gardener. I am now A Ignorant Gardener. (A stands for Author).
You may think this was written only for the favored few. The select group of individuals by invitation only, but no. There is no line with a bouncer or a stuffy butler checking invitations. All you have to do is go to Amazon.com and search "An introduction to Gardening" by Ben Phares. Yep, it's as simple as that.
I am going to get a couple printed so that when people come over. I can place it on the coffee table and alude to a ground breaking new book out that will pretty much change the world. Then when they ask if I know who wrote it, I'll blush and say, "Well, since you ask..." then after a long time, they'll hastily think of something they might have to do and go away with lesson learned, never ask an author about his or her book.
As we all know, the really good authors don't become famous until after they die, so even though I may only sell 1 or 2 copies in the next 50 years, as soon as I'm gone, they will find the manuscript (a tear stained, sweat beaded, rumpled and slightly dusty manuscript) in my attic and that will be my posthumorous launch to stardom. Posterity will wish I had died sooner so that the home truths could have been found at an earlier date.
Yet that is not all. As you few, you happy few have stuck with this, well we'll be polite and call it a "gardening blog" you can have a PDF copy of my book for free. If you read it on your iPad or kindle and make the text really large, it is a very long book. Just send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll send it along. The one stipulation I make, nay require is that you send me back a couple or three comments on areas I may have strayed from the truth or stretched the limit of gardening facts. Also if you have any tips on anything (childraising, greenhouses, ph levels of water, or even your ideal date for the world to end). I request at least three of these comments before the 25 year expiration date placed on the document. If you don't fulfill the requirement, I will grant a few 5-25 year extensions.
So, that happiness you are feeling will continue to grow. The literary world has been saved from a fate worse than death...vis not having a book written by me.